Q. is Chivalry really dead? Hi Lynn, is there something going on particularly in the United States with men changing drastically as a group? For the past couple years many of my girlfriends who live in different cities throughout the United States (New York City, Phoenix & others) have had such trouble in their dating lives and especially unsuccessful in finding “the one”. These are smart successful women in their mid 20s, fit/beautiful, and kind hearted. It seems single men as a group are acting different from what we remember, as in they are pursuing a woman but then won’t pay for her meal on a date, or won’t even go on dates just invite her over all the time. Everything right away is being split down the middle, money seems to be on their mind a lot and brought up often. It’s like you want to scream where have all the romantics gone?
They don’t try hard at all to impress the woman so why are they even on a dating website or telling women they’re open to anything and would love a family one day soon? Where are our ROMEOS?
A. There are very sincere, nice guys out there, but as a group they are fighting against a growing agenda to emasculate men. Weakening a society starts with weakening the men and creating unclear, undefined roles. Men are being attacked on many different angles, much of which looks to be coming from the feminist movement. I'm not referring to the people fighting for equality between the sexes (that is positive for society), I am referring to the hateful groups that use men to blame for the things they do not like in their life rather than being accountable (I've also seen them referred to as social justice warriors). They feel oppressed and offended at the hands of men.
I see a scenario play out in which a man holds the door open for a woman, and IF she is attracted to him, it is warmly appreciated, IF she isn't or is in an off mood, she is offended and wants to label him as a chauvinist. I see much of how men act is due to them following the lead of women, and because men cannot easily predict a reaction, they just withdraw (which does appear lazy to a woman craving some old fashioned chivalry). Men see harassment suits being filed in the media (some are very legit, and some are due to regret sex or need for attention) and are being trained to be passive. It used to be that If a man read a signal wrong and leaned in for a kiss, a woman could back away and the event was over. Now if he leans in and kisses her, he has to worry that she will become part of a #metoo movement.
I get that the current dynamics of our society, with many people looking to be offended by things that aren't offensive are shaping what friendships and relationships look like. If women want to bring back chivalry, they have to allow men to be men. You do not have to accept harassment, or rude behavior, but if a man smiles or says hi, don't get offended (that is NOT a "cat" call). Welcome tasteful comments. Thank him if he holds a door, or pulls up to an entrance so you don't have to walk in the rain. You can be a confident woman who understands her worth while still appreciating that men have their virtues too and like to consciously (or subconsciously) feel like a hero.
For the person asking the question, when you meet someone you like, or are on a dating website, be honest and clear about what you are looking for. Put into your description that you aren't a feminist (if that is true) and welcome old fashioned chivalry. And when he does something nice, thank him. We have to work at undoing what media and the agendas of weakening men are doing.
And that is all I have for this reading. Thank you. Love and light-
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27 comments:
Put into your description that you aren't a feminist (if that is true) and welcome old fashioned chivalry.
That was funny, lol. How about if it isn't true?
It will be interesting to see if female commenters have experiences of this kind of their own to fill in with. I guess men aren't completely satisfied with women these days either...
Over in Sweden there is a trend that many men (especially in the upper middle age) take Asian women as wives, because they are supposedly less demanding and have lower expectations than Swedish/Western women.
I think your remarks and analysis are spot-on, Lynn.
Asian women. One of my best friends is Filipino and 65 years old. She signed up with a dating service and dates just one guy at a time. When she tires of him, she moves on. She's the best show going each week...can't wait for my up-date. I observe her as a woman who sets the parameters within each relationship (she makes some of these guys jump throw hoops) while being the "woman each guy wants." In other words, Asian women may appear far less demanding with their acquiescent outward behavior, but, IMHO, they can be exceptionally controlling dragon queens. She does make me howl with laughter, though, at her antics and predicaments.
Spot on Lynn. Men have always taken the lead from women on social norms. It's nothing but mixed signals out there right now.
I've observed a recent trend here in California. Young women will refuse to even acknowledge men whatsoever. I simply asked a young woman if I was in the right line and she refused to look or speak to me. I saw a late teen refuse to speak to or acknowledge an event organizer asking her a polite question about the event. She just stared straight ahead and almost ran into him. I've seen two other similar incidents. No sane person would have perceived these interactions as come-ons. No earbuds either. Pure unadulterated hostility.
Re: Buddist Lady...I dated a 5ft Filipino woman once for about a year. She was a master a feminine control. I didn't know what hit me. LOL
Great read
I must be old, old, old school because I go by the adage 'Why buy the farm if you can milk the cow for free?' I grew up in the time, luckily, when men asked women on dates--not the other way around--and men paid for the date. My daughter has complained that they don't do either any more.
I don't blame men for expecting women to pay half for a date. After all, they've had it beaten into their heads (sometimes literally) that women are equal. So blame that trend on the women's rights movement, which includes the right to pull your own weight.
As for men not asking women to go out on dates...this is where I blame women as a whole. By accepting the 'let's just hook up' invitations for several decades, men have gotten the impression they don't have to work for "the cookie" (as Steve Harvey would say).
Men are so confused, you have to flat out tell them these days that you expect to be asked out on a real date if they want to spend quality time with you. Women are confused too, with all the conflicting messages they are bombarded with in society. I highly suggest young women read Steve Harvey's book as well as the old classic, "The Rules". Men are still men (especially if they don't drink tap water, lol), and women are still women, and these books make the most of natural laws.
Lynn is correct. Who can blame the men for being a little gun-shy when it comes to chivalry? They're damned if they do and damned if they don't because women can't make up their minds if they want the man to open the door for them or not. Traditional roles are being upturned and the PTW are instigating most of this (I believe) in order to tear at the fabric of society and weaken it to the point we can't fight back. Exacerbating the situation is the erosion of our sense of common courtesy and respect for others in general. The men I talk to are afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing around women because they watch TV and see other men being punished in the court of public opinion.
Today I was listening on the radio to a debate that's raging in our school system about sexual orientation and gender identity (SOGI) being taught in the schools. I think this will only add to the confusion around relationship roles in general and there is the risk of indoctrination of ideas. Honestly, I'm not sure what kind of impact this will have on future generations. I like to think that we'll have less discrimination but my sneaking suspicion is that this program is being used to push a hidden agenda.
Same thing is happening to women at least in Europe. We have capable single men with education who cant find women to marry. They are all over Tinder just looking for sex with the most handsome men they can find.
This reading really did make me sad for the men (and young boys growing into men, who are being programmed into this behavior). I also feel sad for women, but they are keeping the agenda going (with the PTW instigation). We all need to be mindful, and just try to keep perspective.
Oh, it's worse, much worse than that. Some men have figured out that the "skittles" strategy works much better in the current environment. Don't know what I'm talking about? Here's a few links.
https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2013/11/15/why-men-are-withdrawing-from-courtship/
https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2009/05/19/be-a-skittles-man/
I'm not quite sure how we put back together a functioning society. And frankly I care less and less about it because it seems too few other people seem to care either.
Guess I'll go get a bag of skittles...
Thank You Lynn, very intriguing insights! My question would be: Do you get that a black man may win the next presidential elections in Brazil which will be held in 7 months! It could be the light in the end of the tunnel for this corruption shaken country! Thanks!
Thanks Lynn. I'd consider myself to be a 'former nice guy' but with society pushing equality to the point of conflict and women straight up admitting they use guys for free food and drinks with zero empathy, I've kind of withdrawn from the battlefield. Not sure how to put the genie back in the bottle...
Darryl, the way those young women reacted to you is a result of their own programming. As time goes on they may realize that line of thinking really isn't for them. It's all part of the growing up process. :)
the problem is that parents don't raise their kids anymore. they let tv and social media do it. that is the real problem. i am not sure why people have kids when they don't want to spend time and actual raise and instill their own morals. quit being so damn lazy. don't give me that bullshit of having to work too many jobs and not having enough time to spend with you kids. even 30 mins a week talking to your kid is better than nothing.
Anh Tang, you are so right. I wish parents would eliminate, or at least limit TV and social media time to an hour a day or so each day. Both are being used to brainwash children. Oh, and keep them out of public school. That's just an indoctrination and de-socialization system.
Its the pussification of men. Women becoming more masculine and men more feminine
That is such a fallacy. Asian women are the biggest golddiggers and demand the most. I see it in the hospital I work
Why are you always off topic? Theres a page for posting questions‼️
Oddly enough, I am an Asian woman, and a Filipino at that.
I am offended.
Yeah just kidding :D. But I'm still a Filipino woman though.
On what Bee E-lightened said, there is truth to the gold-digger part. But from how I see it, the gold-digger part is mostly brought by the poverty in Asia. And naturally, in order to fulfill their materialistic needs, these ladies seek out those who are wealthier. I think this happens every place in the world regardless of where a person lives in.
It's just that, from these ladies point-of-view, white men=money, sadly. And there are really a whole bunch of factors in play, relating to poverty leading up to the cause to of all of these: the corrupt elites and the PTW.
I think it's really important to send love to these people, and not just the women, but the men as well. Like Lynn said, the men are also vulnerable here. Some of them seek these kind of women, not knowing they're just in it for the money, because they're also in a desperate need for attention.
Anyway, thanks for the reading again Lynn. It's a bunch of eye-openers for me, as a young person myself.
On the other hand.. Research shows the biggest reason marriages end is because the man will not compromise with the woman or take her emotional needs into account. Even when a woman repeatedly tells a husband she's unhappy, feels unheard or whatever, the man will often be shocked when she wants to separate. I'm in Australia, just entered my 30's and find men of my age to often be emotionally immature, shallow & disconnected. There's a lot of narcissistic attitudes and a lot of men looking to have their cake & eat it too. As in they expect a woman to pay everything herself & work, but expect to still be the boss & get everything their way. Women who are independent can't be bothered with boys in men's bodies. It seems men have lost their self-respect and don't work on personal development. I want more than anything to find a loving partnership & have many friends the same. I think a lot of women go on Tinder because they've been hurt & used so many times they've given up. Women have sexual desires the same as men.
@dos piecitos! TKM, gracias!
Maybe they haven't lost their self-respect, maybe it's more an ego tantrum. Women are no longer dependent on men financially, they can walk right out the door if they're not being treated right & men's undeveloped egos can't handle that. Which is why there may be a trend of taking poor foreign wives. They have more control. Men don't seem to introspect or work on self healing as much as women in general, therefore they're being left behind.
Interesting topic.
Well in todays society (globally) if you are male you always have the shortest straw.
I can relate to that. And as lynn has done many readings it's the programming. And I really think todays culture is totally lunatic. Why as a male do I have to put up with this being put in a feminin "learning" environment. Men are learning different than women. It is really ridiculous that nowadays the young children are being punished for being the male sex in your very own schools. Like it is not enough that you are being instituionalized. I've been following the mgtow movement for a few years and look at todays japan dating culture.
Men are not perfect but women can also be materialistic, manipulative.
What the hell you think you are doing when you accuse a total innocent man of being a molester or a rapist. You also think it's funny that we are getting dumber each generation? learn what to think not how to think.
I'm not here to satisfy other peoples needs and or feelings.
Here's another strange phenomena. I have a friend that left his wife because she stopped sleeping with him. He consistently dates women 1/2 his age and loves bragging about it to me. He is as surprised as everyone else. He asked them why they are dating him, and he says the answers are really consistent. He doesn't live with his parents, has a job and pays for everything, is respectful and treats them well, and baths (LOL). The last one cracks me up. So, at least some young women really are just looking for the basics. California is ground zero for the destruction of everything good and wholesome in the world.
NYC is bad too
Thank you for the comments. I resonate with a lot of this. I too am concerned for what these agendas are doing to our society, and the obfuscation of the divine masculine and divine feminine.
<3<3
Just a side note.. We've got what we've begun to call,"The Filipino Mafia" here. They are the kindest, funniest, most protective and sincere group of people around here anymore since the tech boom... But get on their bad side and consider your life doomed, lol. Do wrong to one, and all will come to battle against the wrong doer for the one wronged! It's kind of cool, actually.. As long as you stay on their good side ;)
We've also coined several of our friends as the Gay Mafia as well. Of course, when I say "mafia," I only mean they are one giant family with seemingly secret powers over acting right to their group!
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